It requires you to have a lot of understanding and compassion. In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. In many cases, it has also happened that a husband has relocated his entire family abroad because his parents wanted him to stay near them. speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com, chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero, How To Deal With A Husband Who Wont Talk To You About Anything, 7 Simple Tips To Be Happy In An Unhappy Marriage, 13 Sad Signs Of A Selfish Husband (+ How To Deal With Him), 5 Reasons You Feel Trapped In Your Relationship/Marriage, 16 Surefire Ways To Get Your Marriage Back On Track, 14 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In A Relationship, How To Deal With Someone Who Repeatedly Disrespects Your Boundaries, How To Get People To Respect You: 7 No Bullsh*t Tips That Actually Work. If you talk honestly and openly with your partner and with understanding, hell acknowledge your feelings and reciprocate. The same with a husband. Theres no shame in getting help from a trained relationship counselor (either by yourself or with your partner) who can listen to your concerns and offer helpful advice to navigate your way through the issue. So what to do when your husband chooses his family over you? Does your home feel like a Dharamsala where relatives walk in without even calling and expect you to leave everything and make tea and snacks for them the moment they show their face? So,try looking at things from your husbands perspective. Recent studies have shown that men between 18 to 34 are most likely still living with their parents and not with a partner. 1 Set your boundaries right at the inception. That, above all, is the issue that needs to be worked out. Thats not how issues are solved. But not choose her publicly. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah. When you stop looking at the relationship dynamics from an us versus them prism, half your woes will dissipate. That way your husband does not get to choose his family over you. That is not done. He may get really defensive, and tell you that youre being over sensitive or that things arent that big a deal. I love my Muslim boyfriend but he already has a wife. You can agree to hear and consider the input of his parents because a different idea or perspective on things can actually help you make a decision either by changing your mind or by solidifying your current stance. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care ofI'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. Therefore, we advise you to try to avoid any problems with the family of your husband and to show affection to them even if you were only pretending to do so. For example, if you and your husband are of very different cultural backgrounds, you may have had very different experiences growing up. Rajesh is a protective and caring son, and Meenu treats that affection as an affront to her place in her life. Whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, her consent must be obtained before her father or guardian can act on her behalf in any marriage contract. Thats especially the case if theyre pressuring him. 1. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. Especially when children come along. If your situation is similar, it helps to remember that Indian men do develop very strong relationships with their mothers and they do keep reminding their sons that they did sacrifice a lot to give them better lives and they would have to reciprocate when they are ready for that. Men have the tendency to live with their parents longer, 2. This is a common problem women face in collectivistic cultures and especially in the sub-continent. Here are 12 things you could do to make the dynamics of your relationship with your husband vis-a-vis his family more streamlined: They could be working or they could be homemakers but it is a fact that the Indian mothers life revolves around children. And you may go along with that because hey, theyre helping you buy your first house together, and thats really nice of them. Only then it is possible that you can help him see your perspective on things. You have to know that youre not alone in this situation. Hell just continue choosing his family over you. But the final word has to be yours and his alone. Thats simply not true. He lacks of interest, love, romance, and sexual desires. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Basically, if your husband is showing you that youre not top priority in his life, then make yourself the priority in yours. Why? The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". We suggest that you learn to pick your battles. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. He has to choose to do things differently if he wants to have a future with you. Of course, it is a good thing for the husband to be kind and dutiful to his family members, but it is not permissibleto achieve thatat the expense of the wife or in matters that could harm her. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. And now that hes married, he might have difficulties changing them as he failed to mature enough to do so. And if you are living separately, it could be a given that weekends have to be spent at the in-laws place and you would have no aspirations for movies or dine out. And that schedule should be something his family are aware of, too, especially if they have a habit of turning up at your place unannounced. He wants me to listen to his mother. They made an attempt to make a problem. Its always a good thing to see your husband spending time with his family and friends, but overly prioritizing one over the other can have a huge impact on your marriage. jj You should never criticize your husband for something hes done. But instead of festering and fighting with him, you could think of taking some steps so that he could balance his own family and your aspirations as well. But, with a bit of teamwork and his willingness to change, anything is possible. Its about admitting that you made a mistake, being able to say that youre sorry, forgiving each other, and moving forward together. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. I know that youre hurt now. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Remember that those people are his parents. But that I think we need counseling. Living with his mother (at the time of her death) was his 26- year-old younger sister and 25-year-old He treats me so. I am pregnant now. He vowed to stand by your side for better or worse, and now hes reneging on that vow. Some people who have been immersed in this kind of family dynamic all their lives might not have any other perspective other than their firsthand experience. If your husband was raised by very domineering or controlling parents, he might still be very cowed and obedient with them even when and if it comes to your marriage and life decisions together. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. In any case, we advise you to be patient and repel the thoughts that tell you that your husband does not love you or that he is not happy with you and the like. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. He has to want it. Dont nag him or demand that he choose right away between his family and you. They may resent you somewhat for it, but unless they are particularly toxic individuals, they should back down sooner or later. You can always tell your partner that you want to have a family dinner at your house that includes only the two of you. It involves putting across your message in a clearer and confident way. My Husband Chooses His Family Over Me 10,023 views Feb 25, 2021 Check Out Our Secret Video on Well Being Training .more .more 186 Dislike Share Happily Committed 145K. You have the right to make your own decisions. In case divorce takes place, then Allaah Says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. Im 40 years old but my mother wont let go! Patients is something we have to do in marriage but upto limit talk through it if still havent changed then I would say dont waste time on him before you have children from him and they suffer too like you are get out of this relationship after giving sometime to him he dont change then dont wait long take the step to separate from him He Bows To His Domineering Parents (And Expects You To Do The Same) One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husband's parent (s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. My husband has always catered to his family. His conscience is killing him and he feels compelled to go back to his old habits. He needs to take care of you and not be so focused on his parents that he forgets about you. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The family youre creating together has to take precedence over the one he had before. His daily routine changes and hes confused since his priority list has changed drastically. Accept your husbands strong relationship with his mom, 9. Required fields are marked *. If you try to find a compromise with him, he wont be forced to choose between you or his family. 4. Remember, marriage is all about teamwork. The relationship between a man and his family should not get in the way of his relationship with his wife and children. So its time to act as such. Tell him while you will ensure that you are not overshooting the budget, he has to ensure his parents are doing the same. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". 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